In this life, we get to choose who we want to be.

In this life, we get to choose who we want to be.

That’s not something I experienced. I have heard those words throughout my existence, but living under the extreme circumstances of my childhood did not allow this fact to be “an option” for me. Throughout life, I figured out how to be "who" I was by whomever I was interacting with at the time.

I always thought of life as just "happening" to me and I either navigated it well, or I didn't. I never considered how my choices were affecting my future; I approached life as more of a "crapshoot", dealing only with what was directly in front of me, rather than a gift that needs careful and intentional navigation and stewardship. (Looking back, I see that it’s because I was in survival mode for most of my time).

As an adult, there was no self-care. (which should include self-reflection and examination of past plans, choices, and actions; and their consequences on my life.) Instead, I was overstimulated and constantly running myself ragged every day until I passed out from over-exhaustion. Then got up and did the same thing again the next day - everyday. I didn’t have time for… well…. MYSELF.

I never thought of myself as having a victim mentality because I wasn't a "victim," in my own opinion. But I constantly found myself swirling in "What is HAPPENING here?!" and "Is this really just the hand I was dealt...? Why is it so crappy?!" and “Why does it seem like the whole world is against me?”

Well, it was so crappy because of my choices and my interpretation of things that were going on. There's no shame in that because we don't know what we don't know, until we know. One day I finally learned the only person holding me back was: me … and my own thoughts about myself because of beliefs I’d formed so long ago based on the opinions and suggestions of others.

You DO get to make your own choices in life. And the day you realize that is the day your life begins to change.

The Path to Change:

The change starts with your own willingness to:

Self-reflect;

Accept who you currently are; and

Choose to make the necessary changes in your own actions without expectation of anyone else treating you any differently or changing themselves. You must do this for you.

You also must be willing to do this quietly, because recognition isn’t the goal - it is a distraction. And trust me, there are plenty of people who will want you to stay right where you are. You must be willing to look for the positive changes that are coming from your actions and let that be your “recognition”: Recognize for yourself that you are growing into who you want to be and who you asked God to become. The goal isn’t public recognition - it’s a better life for becoming who you were meant to be.

Hush until you heal.

Obviously, life is not just one event that happens to us; life is a collection of experiences; both good and bad. Sometimes the bad stays with us. (The good does too - but in a different way.)

Some of us are walking around carrying the weight of things we don’t even know about. It’s just what happens in this world. Sometimes the bad is passed down from generation to generation. That may not be intentional — you can only live what you know.

A Note Before We Begin

So, when trying to describe to you in my own words “what happened to me”, I don’t want to focus on the traumatic events. That’s not what we’re here to do. But occasionally I will need to explain some things to you, so, please know that nothing in this blog is meant to trigger you. There may be, however, references to circumstances that could bring up your own traumatic issues or events.

Please be aware of your feelings, surroundings, and the appropriate tools you have available, should you need them at any time while reading one of our blogs.

Thank you for being here.

Please know that regardless of how you feel right now, you are a loved child of God.

LM

No Medical Advice was given in any context. This is a testimonial of the authors experiences only.

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